A time capsule of somewhat narcissistic sheltered navel-gazing, preserved for embarrassing posterity.

Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2009

Buon' Nuov' Anno!

See, I was nice and I spared all of you the obligatory sappy tranquil holiday posts. Peace, happiness, blah blah blah, same old same old, boring boring boring.

Nah, actually I kinda dig all that stuff. But I have to admit, I totally missed out on the holidays this year. Not because I had flights on both Xmas and New Years (although I did) but because there was neither the time nor the weather. My last final was on the 19th, after which I took a couple days of brain-dead respite, then had to hurriedly catch up on things I fell behind on during the semester, and start looking at the summer job hunt and scholarship applications for next year. Somewhere in there I found what I think were some really fun presents, but I must admit my shopping and present-pondering was much more crammed in than it normally is. And there was not the typical leisurely evening of lovingly wrapping and decorating each present amidst breaks to gaze at the Xmas tree. Nope. I think they all got wrapped in a 15-minute span at around 2 am Xmas morning, so they could be crammed into my luggage and flown east.

And don't even get me started about seeing Xmas tree lots spring up while I'm still wearing shorts, and how much that helped my holiday spirit.

At any rate, it was a good two-week break between semesters. I had a good trip back east, seeing a lot of my well-missed friends and family. It was very strange, being back in Pittsburgh. It's odd how a place can seem so much the same but so different after just under five months. The first thing that struck me was how small it felt. Even the streets felt narrower than I remember. The other thing that struck me, which made me kind of sad, was that I definitely have lost that sense of ownership and intimate belonging that I felt such a short time ago. It was great to see so much that I love, and so many people that I love, but the feeling I had towards the city was very much that of a loving visitor, not of a resident or someone with an existing stake in the place. I guess that's just how it goes when you've naturally fallen out of touch with the daily goings-on of a community, the changes, the ebb and flow of events. It definitely confirmed to me that yes, I have moved away.

On the other hand, though, the feelings I had were also still definitely that of a close connection, love, and appreciation. It wasn't quite like slipping on a glove and having it fit perfectly, but more like pulling on an old hoodie or t-shirt that feels a little weird because it's different from most of your newer clothes, but has a comforting familiarity to it. So, at the same time that it confirmed that I have left the 'Burgh, it also confirmed that I will always love it dearly.

And I would be absolutely remiss if I didn't mention the PEOPLE! It was great to see so many people. I missed one or two that I really wanted to see, but also got to see some who I thought I would miss, a very pleasant surprise. I even got that greatest of time-passers, a quick road trip with MT! Complete with Headstones! I couldn't ask for much more....except perhaps more time with everyone. It's a very new thing for me to think, "A few months ago we used to talk almost every day. Now I have about three hours to sit with you for a meal, and that's all I'll see you for half a year." I'm not quite used to visiting places where I have a number of friends to see--something I'll have to adapt to!

At any rate, it was a good break and a good visit, and I feel like I'm entering the new semester refreshed and rejuvenated. We'll see if I still feel that way in a week or so, when first semester grades are in.

Monday, December 22, 2008

After a Semester

So, Friday afternoon my last final ended, and almost for the first time since I got to LA, I had an extended amount of time where I didn't have to be somewhere, reading something, meeting someone, etc. All the brief times that I've had respite over the last four months, my head has been stuffed full of thinking about all the things I did have to go do. So, this is the first time that I've actually taken a deep breath, and thought about and realized what the hell I've been up to these months.

Holy SHIT, I moved to Los Angeles.

Last night, I was at a going away party for a friend I met through the No on Prop 8 campaign. He landed a job on Capitol Hill in DC--very great for him, very bittersweet for those of us here in LA who will miss him. I was talking to LT about him leaving, and it struck me that this felt very different from all the comings and goings that I've seen in LT's circle of friends, folks beginning to establish their lives coming out of college. In those cases, it's still sad, but it's expected and known. People go into the four years knowing that after they graduate, all bets are off.

It feels like such a different thing when you've been established in a permanent life somewhere. You don't meet people with an eye towards shipping off soon. You live there. It's home. You make strong friendships that become tested by time, joy and sadness. Then suddenly, either someone you know is packing up, or you are. If you're the one staying, it's the shock of cold water when you suddenly learn that a piece of your life is leaving. If you're the one going, it's a mixture of fear, excitement at whatever opportunity you're following, sadness, and....guilt. The self-deprecating side of me wants to say it's egotistical to feel that, but I do know that people miss me and, while happy for me, are sad that I'm so far away. And, when you know that you've made people you care about sad, well...in a way leaving feels like breaking some promise, some trust.

I want all you eastern people in my life to know that I really miss you all. I'm happy in school, and I know I made the right decision. I've met fantastic people out here, and begun making great friends. And I know that modern communication helps make distances seem smaller, and heck, I know that I never even lived in the same city as some of you anyhow. But, I also know, from knowing how much I miss you guys, that no amount of electronic gadgetry can completely erase the distance, or completely replace a breakfast, a toast, or a hug.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Walls, Dinners, and Leaves

You're in a new place, living a new life. You constantly have tons to do--the endless readings, needing to be ready for class discussions, papers to write. You have endless opportunities presented to you to do exactly what you've always wanted to do--actively work to make the world a better place. And you take them--how could you not?! Then suddenly, you find yourself in the middle of a huge fight, against people telling you to your face that they don't think you're equal. It's nothing personal, they hope you can still be friends, but they don't think you're deserving of the same rights as they are, that deep down they feel you are morally repugnant, and they are willing to spend tens of millions of dollars to prove it.

You find yourself in this fight, not where you are comfortable. Not in a place with your long time friends and family around you. True, with a strong number of budding new friendships, but not the time-tested, weathered ones that you can truly lean on. Not in a familiar place, with comforting changing leaves, soothing rainy days and invigorating crisp ones. But in a place with alien looking palms stretching starkly to the sky, and only bright, intense days. The rays of the sun call for constant energy, but little true relaxation.

And little by little you feel yourself losing pace. The water rises, centimeter by centimeter (which is odd, seeing as it never rains). The readings go from being read thoroughly before class, to read quickly before class, to now and then not being read before class, for those professors who don't cold call. Readings begin to take twice as long, because concentration comes hard, as well as staying awake. You hit rough spots in class and don't feel quite like the competent intelligent person you were convinced you were after the rousing convocation speeches. Exams begin to loom on the horizon, and with them the feeling that you should be doing more to prepare, even now. You're not doing enough. You don't remember the last time you got six hours of sleep. Your shoulders and neck turn into knots, and the headache from the stress, lack of sleep and poor blood flow becomes somewhat constant. The enthusiasm with which you tackled everything just a couple weeks ago is fading fast.

You tell yourself, it's just until the election. You're tired, and you're stretched a bit too thin, but the end is in sight. The hours of phone banks, debates, meetings, stress, and angst will be over on November 5th. All you need to do is find a way to push through these last two weeks, just stick it out, and you'll wake up November 5th with fewer obligations. But until then, every moment has to be productive. Every second has to be working towards the larger goals, whether it be school, new friendships, old friendships, or justice for someone somewhere.

And finally, fuck it. You just can't do it.

This is all a long and dramatic way of saying I really learned the value of taking a little time off this week. Friday rolled around, and I just couldn't do anything. No matter how much I wanted to insist on trying to write, read, work, or whatever, I was simply not going to be any good to anyone, anywhere. So after class ended, I caught the first bus home, slept for three hours in the middle of the day, then took the evening off with an amazing dinner out with some new friends, and some good old hockey. Today was back to work for most of the day, phone banking and school work, then a movie with some other new friends. (W...it was OK...given the subject matter, they didn't have to make a phenomenal movie, and it showed.)

Earlier this week I was talking to one of the faculty members at school, and he was asking how things were going. I said they were going OK, I was pretty tired and stressed from all the election work, and was looking forward to the election being over. He commented that yeah, it's a hard thing to learn how to balance yourself, and that it's not just now for the election, but it will always be this way. I didn't think too hard about it right at that time (too busy, ya know) but I realize now that he's right. It's not as though after this election there won't be anything else to work towards, no other causes that I'm passionate about, people who need help, justice that needs to be fought for. That's never going to happen in my lifetime. So, for this election, however it comes out, I'm certainly taking away the lesson that I'm only one person, and I'll need to work on my skills a bit when it comes to picking and choosing where and how thin to spread myself. It's a good lesson, that I'm grateful to have begun to learn without (hopefully) any consequences worse than stress headaches and sleep deprivation.

An added bonus is that in taking a bit of time off this weekend, I've gotten to begin to connect more with those budding new friendships. At school, it's been connecting and realizing that, while not everyone has quite the number of obligations I've committed myself too, we all have had our moments of feeling like the class dunce. We're all feeling overstressed, and we're all feeling like we're hitting a bit of a hump. At the election work, it's been connecting and realizing that these don't have to be transient acquaintances, but the beginnings of lasting bonds with amazing, hard working, passionate people.

And then, the feather in my rejuvenation cap, I got a package in the mail today, containing genuine, honest-to-goodness, Western PA leaves of various shades and colors, courtesy of MT. And along with a few minutes of misty eyes, they brought final added strength of remembering that even if we're on opposite sides of the country, the love and support I have with all those crazy people stretches infinitely.

Monday, August 11, 2008

No Title Fits This Post

Too often in our lives, the various things we need for happiness and fulfillment don't quite mesh. We're left making choices which, while we feel they are the right ones, have an inevitable element of bittersweetness. We're left trying to balance the things we want need, the things we want need to do, the people we want need to be with. But there's never enough time. There are never enough dinners, coffee walks, breakfasts, movies, evenings spent running errands, or hugs. There never could be; those things could be infinite in supply and there would still not be enough.

The paths we feel a need to follow never have absolutely everything we want need, and we have the unhappy task of making the best of it.

Even though I'm driving away from this place and these people, I will never leave.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Transition, Dependence, Humility, Empowerment

To be quite honest, I don't even know when the last time was that I posted - and at this particular moment I'm too lazy to go look and see what it was.

*the next moment*

OK, we all know I was too anal to not go and look.

So the last time I posted I was just beginning to pack up my apartment. It's almost a week later, and since then I've gotten my apartment all packed up, everything put into storage, the apartment cleaned out, and yesterday I turned in my keys and officially became a roving vagabond. Alright, perhaps that's a bit hyperbolic, but hopefully this will be the closest I'll ever come to being a drifter, so I'm trying to live it up while I can.

There are so many things rolling around in my head that I've thought about posting about...some funny observation, some just plain factual to keep everyone up to speed on where I am (including myself), some deeper observation, and on and on. On any one of these things I could type far longer than any of you could read...heck, I'm accomplishing that with just the meta-commentary.

Today's post is coming from the second of many nights on several different futons, provided by the greatest generosity of my friends MT and sM. This very unique period of transition has put me in a position to be far more dependent on the graciousness of others than perhaps I ever have been before. At least, that I'm cognizant of. People helping me move. People giving me a place to lay my head. People offering advice on a new endeavor, and moving somewhere I know nothing about. People being my constant cheerleaders. People providing 2nd- and 3rd-degree of separation contacts in a far away place. ("You probably won't need this, but just in case you're in a tough spot and need a contact, here's so and so.") People offering amazingly generous gifts that in good conscience I can't accept.

People letting me know I'll be missed.

For a little bit (especially on moving day) I was busy focusing on the people who were failing to come through when I needed them. Look at all these people who are bailing...what does this really say? A few days removed (and blood less boiled), I've had time to reflect on the other side of that coin, and think about these wonderful people who HAVE come through...and what THAT means. I'm realizing, this position of extreme dependence is a humbling and empowering position all at once.

I'll stay away from the cliche that it's humbling to not be able to provide things like your own roof over your head (although it is). Rather, it's humbling to realize there are this many people with this much love for you. Humbling? You ask. Yep.

The rise of a special occasion like this highlights the daily consideration, thought and love that you get from all these people who are now going above and beyond. It makes you take pause, and notice all these people who contribute to the richness of your everyday life, and even when they are not filling such notable favors, all these people without whom your everyday life would not be what it is. Humbling to see the love all around you which helps to hold you up from day to day.

And therein also lies the empowerment. Realizing that you are the person who drew all these wonderful people into your life, that you have the ability to attract them and keep them as friends (because even the ones related to you can choose whether to be your friends). That you made enough of an impression on these people--whether over time or all at once--that they are happy to be part of your life, even through your less gracious moments.

So thank you, friends (related and otherwise). Truly, thank you.

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Amazing People I Know

I took LT home last week to DC. We're doing a decent job of things, but she is having a really tough go of it with her family in some respects. It's hard on me, and I'm not even the one who has to have the difficult and hurtful conversations, although some of the stuff is pretty harsh and pointed right at me. My xylophone friend is strong and brave; I am proud of her.

MT is once again proving her qualities as an amazing human being, fostering SEVEN kittens for the ARL until they are old enough/big enough to be fixed and put for adoption. The littlest one has an eye injury, and weighs all of 11 ounces. The patience and dedication that MT shows in caring for and cleaning up after such a herd of babies is nothing short of inspiring. And she still somehow finds time to care for her own three cats and hang out with her odd friend C.

I'm so very happy to say that GJ is finally running into some happiness and luck. She spent a long time being a sympathetic and supportive ear to my difficulties, all the while going through a pretty rough patch herself. All I hope to do is return the favor! Her door/email/phone is always open, no matter how rotten her days have been. I hope with all my heart that things keep looking up for her a bit. (But I do hope the Wings blow the Cup.) And I wish her safe driving coming to the 'Burgh this weekend!

MG has always been my biggest cheerleader and venting partner. She knows what she feels is right, and fights for it unashamedly, especially when it is a friend. She has been pulling for me in my law school journey for years--well before I even knew for sure that I was on it! Her advice has been freely given and invaluable, as well as her support.

sM and I have had an uneven path in our friendship, but his encouragement and example have been integral to the future that I now eagerly work towards. Sometimes it takes a new voice reminding you of what you are capable of to make you really see it, and he provided that voice, as well as a picture of what someone can be when they follow their heart and passion. He always take the time to see how you're doing, which is especially impressive these days for a few reasons.

AK (not your AK, MT) is an endless source of entertainment. Even though we haven't hung out in a while (mainly because I'm a ridiculously busy bastard)--she's been around as a constant source of levity and friendship. I swear, we WILL get together before I move!

MD, Maker of Lutes, McGurk (I know a lot of "M" people...), AJ, and all my other Pamela's family are just that, a family. I don't see them as much anymore, but I can show up at the back door at any time and get an immediate round of yells and hugs and high-fives and general silliness. I love you guys!

To all of you, and to everyone else who has been there for me and inspired me and comforted me and let me comfort them and made me laugh and showed me new restaurants and recommended great movies and taught me things and made me confident and made me humble, I raise my office coffee mug in a toast.

Thank you.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Find Someone Else to Gamble With

A note to all my Michigan friends:

No, I cannot afford to make bets with all of you for the Cup. You forget that I seem to be a Michigander magnet--there are a lot of you! I realize that could end up being a pretty good windfall for me, but I could also end up completely broke.

The only wager I am placing is with GJ, and it's the same bet we have for everything: one beer. I would make a special exception for this momentous event and say two beers, but at arena prices that's pretty steep...

Go Pens!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

It's Hasn't All Been Texting and Crying and Hummus

My last few postings have been kinda glum, because whenever I let myself slow down these days (read: have enough breathing room that I can do things like blog) that's how my mind goes. So I'll now point out a bunch of stuff lately that has been great. Some of them are small moments, some bigger.

- Gorgeous weather. As much as I like winter, the renewal of spring is always amazing.
- Upon learning that LT and I are likely headed different directions, a half-drunk friend getting very wide-eyed, putting his arms around both of us, and exclaiming, very slowly, "But....what's gonna....happen?"
- GO PENS!!
- During the tail end of the gauntlet which I haven't been able to blog about yet, my trip to Chicago was an absolute blast. I loved it.
- Being included on the season video for my Cincy buddies even though I'm not technically on their team.
- Tearing the leg of my jeans open while climbing a seven-foot tall fence.
- Pierogies at the Harris Grill.
- GO PENS!!
- Going to see Chris Pureka and Nicole Reynolds, I was reminded that music is the most amazingly direct path into my soul, and how much I love live performance. I could never imagine a world without music.
- Encountering someone who embodies all the coolest things in the universe: a Canadian, hockey-enthused, tattooed, gender-bending, socially conscious, violin-playing musician. It's true, the bass players are always the coolest ones. ALWAYS.
- The woman who adopted a very sweet, quiet, 10-year-old cat. It made my heart smile to see someone willing to give poor old Dottie a peaceful couch to sleep on.
- Softball!!
- Coffeeeeeeee
- The excitement - even if it is bittersweet - of planning the coming next phase in my life.
- Reconnecting with and remembering to get the support of old good friends - MT, GJ, MG, MD, thank you all so much - and discovering the support of good new ones.
- GO PENS!!
- Sitting on my couch with the sliding door open and fresh air coming in, with Tiki curled up on my lap and Whiskey curled up next to me.
- Planning my next TATTOO!!
- Did I mention GO PENS?!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Send It

You have the birthday card but you're not sure how it would be received. Would it be welcomed, and hopefully help a foundered friendship? Would it be an object of ridicule? Would it be a source of hurt for one or both of you? Are you sending a thoughtful message, or being an idealistic fool?

There are two questions that only you can answer: 1) Are your intentions genuine? 2) Are you in a position to protect yourself but still be fair? Yes? Then send it. Send the card. SEND THE FUCKING CARD.

I did. And today I'm glad of it.

Holy shit I need to get some sleep.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Bumblebee Goes to Washington (So Do I)

I spent the last five or so days visiting LT in our nation's capital. First things first, a shout out to EmJ and Kirbs for taking me in all five nights when it became apparent that the T homestead was not an option, and for hosting a fine New Year's Eve shindig.

Also a hug to LT. Keep your chin up; I still believe that patience and reasonable understanding will win out in the end.

A very cool thing about DC is that it is eminently bike-able. There are bike lanes on many streets and lots of great paths and parks and monuments to explore; you can take bikes on the Metrorail (provided it's not rush hour); most places we went had plenty of bike rack space. And oh yeah...it's FLAT (compared to Pittsburgh, anyhow). Although time constraints forced us to the car more often than we had wanted, we did manage to get in two great bike explorations, which I would recommend to anyone.

The first was a ride from the Capitol Building grounds and the National Botanical Gardens, through the National Mall and past the Washington Monument, along the tidal basin past the Jefferson Memorial, and down to the FDR Memorial. I hadn't been to DC since the FDR Memorial was installed--it is definitely a thought-provoking place if you are the type to let your thoughts be provoked, especially in light of some present day public discourses. We rode back much the same way, although we likely would have continued the rest of the way around the tidal basin were it not for dinner plans and rain.

The other was a ride from Gravelly Point (where you sit in a field and get buzzed by incoming planes at Reagan National Airport) up a path that runs along the Potomac. You can turn around at any point; we went to the Key Bridge and across into Georgetown, along the canal, then back to city streets to Foggy Bottom. Then we took the Metro from Foggy Bottom back to Reagan National. Getting back to the path to Gravelly Point from the airport was interesting, but we managed not to violate any homeland security zones, I think.

One cool thing along this path is Theodore Roosevelt Island, which is only accessible from a pedestrian bridge off the river path, near Rosslyn. Although, I feel obliged to point out that by law you're not supposed to bike through it and it's closed at sundown...um, just in case anyone out there was tempted to illegally ride your bikes through it at night. Yeah.

I was also thrilled to meet Monica, Susanne and Danny. They've given LT a lot of support and I could tell they care a lot about her. And the long list of the other good people I met...Renee, Alicia, Leah, Panah, Jim & Lizzie, Susie, Keith and family (and the other XC guys), Dean, brother Kirby, another Emily, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. (Sorry people I know I'm forgetting or whose names I misspelled...)

And lest I forget, thanks to MT for her always-superb care of my furry children.

I will now leave you with pictures of some of our bikes' great travels.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Capitol.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Capitol.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Washington Monument.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the Washington Monument.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the FDR Memorial.

Babe and the Bumblebee go to the FDR Memorial.

SHHH!!!

Babe and the Bumblebee go to an undisclosed location.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

DEO

Nothing like viewing hours the day after Christmas. My heart goes out to the O'Brien family. I can only imagine what a riot Donna must have been at the holidays, and what a terrible hole that must have left for you this year.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Dave Comes to Regent Square

Surprise, surprise, a fair amount of explanation for a small bit of fact, but it's an important bit to me so I don't care.

Some backstory for the benefit of those unfamiliar with Dave, a friend of ours from the restaurant. He ate at Pamela's just about every day and was simultaneously a voice of wisdom and a good-natured troublemaker; he was our Yoda. Sadly, Dave died in May 2006 after a yearlong fight with cancer.

After he died, MD and I each got to pick out photos from a huge collection of ones that he had taken and his wife had mounted; we each picked two. In the old apartment we had all four photos hanging together. When I moved, I took the two that I had picked, and have been trying to decide where to hang them. There were spots in my TV nook that I liked, but I have candles around there and I was very afraid of the heat damaging them. Nowhere else in the place has really felt right for them, so they remained unhung.

Last night I was lighting the aforementioned candles, and just happened to look up at the panel of wall up above the TV nook, and for the first time noticed two nails already in the wall. They are positioned perfectly to hang the two photos, one of which is tall and thin, the other short and wide. As far as I've seen, they are the only two nails left over from a previous tenant in any wall in the apartment. In an odd way, I'm not at all surprised. It might seem spooky to some people, but it gives me a smile to think that maybe Dave is still up to a little subtle mischief. I'm happy to welcome him into my new home.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Happy Birthday MT!!

Today is my good friend MT's birthday, so happy birthday to you! You survived long enough to have the privilege of your age no longer starting with a "2", so congratulations--in another 10 or so months I'll be right behind you. I think you and I might be the only two people in the world who are happy to reach that milestone.

At any rate, it's been, what, five years now since The Nameless Evil was late for public skate but it was so obvious which two people didn't belong amongst the high school dudes and chickies that we didn't need her around to make the introduction. Five years, jeez. Five years full of ups, downs, foot surgeries, shoulder surgeries, mmmmonkeys, tears, smiles, hugs, antidepressants, anti-inflammatories, Lower Wildcat backwards, ffffourty-nine, new relationships, new heartbreaks, ciclon, vodka fireballs, ham-cheese-onion-pickle sandwiches on potato bread, 8 cats, 4 tempcats, Buffalo, 9 residences, Patrick the Starfish, and pork fried rice stuffed in a pickle jar. (Just the rice in the jar, not Patrick.) And oh yeah, some hockey in there somewhere too.

And through it all has been the comfort and knowledge that I have found in you a true, lifelong friend...even if we had to work out a few kinks along the way.

Just before my birthday this year, someone told me that age 29 marks one of the great times of transition in life--that you truly begin to become the adult that you really want to or will be. I can definitely say that I've seen that happen in you over the past year. It hasn't been an entirely easy year, but as it's progressed I've seen the seeds of real happiness finally firmly taking root for you. My wish for your birthday is that they continue to flourish.

And by the way, nice lederhosen.

August 16, 2003...such a nice picture, but if you look closely you can see the mischief lurking just under the surface.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Don't Encourage Me

I'm on the phone with my friend MG who read about my office supply plight. A recent JD victim...er...recipient, she's been providing constant input for my plans to return to the hallowed halls of learning next year and chase down my own. So, it's a little bit ahead of time, but she set me up with a nice office supply shopping list for next fall:

Highlighters
Highlighters
Highlighters

...and...

maybe some highlighters.

What is that I hear? Is that my Office Depot membership card crying out from lack of use? I've been ignoring the poor thing...