Farewell to a Work Computer

For five and a half years now, you've sat by my side, churning and plugging away with me through help files, manuals, customer support sites, and XML research. When I first came here, you were a wonder, and an enigma. The first Pentium IV in our office, you challenged the IT department to greater heights, figuring out how to make our software work on you. After a few weeks, they emerged victorious, and I was able to do something besides read hard copy manuals.

We've been together since then. Through the RoboHelp x4 nightmare, new versions of Office, and even an operating system upgrade to XP. I can't lie, as the years progressed I began to notice how other people were able to build their help more quickly, copy source to and from the network in far less time. But, in general you were trustworthy and crash-free. The only times I've regretted our partnership are when you make The Noise. Your random, phantom fan noise that comes and goes as you see fit. I can hear your voice softly ringing in my ears....

"GGGGGHHHHGHHGHGHKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCKCCKCCKCK!!!"

But still I stuck with you. I even thought it was cute how you toyed with the IT guys, stopping the noise whenever they came around, and making them think it was the fan on the right no matter how many times I told them it was the fan on the left.

So, I don't know why you are so angry with me today. I didn't request your replacement, I swear. The IT guy came knocking on my cube door, saying another group needed a set of identical machines and you fit the profile, and asking if I would give you up for a new machine. How could I possibly keep you from this higher calling? You've been hand-picked for a greater purpose! (Or maybe to be a lab machine, but that's important too.) I know I've been playing with the new laptop I got last week, but I wasn't planning on replacing you.

So please, don't ruin our last days together. Please.

I beg you. Stop....making....that....infernal...NOISE!!!!!!!

Pet Peeve #43: JB Robinson

Ah yes, it's the holidays again, which means the J.B. Robinson jeweler ads are out in full force.  The same ones they've had for years...the video looks older and fuzzier than the TV rerun of The Hunt for Red October that I'm currently watching.  For the record, no she didn't find his secret hiding place, yes he was still able to surprise her after all these years, and amazingly enough, he still was never worried about the earrings/bracelet/necklace/whatever.

At least the one where the guy puts the necklace on his wife while she's sleeping and then pretends to be asleep when she wakes up is sweet and endearing.  Much more romantic than the Rick Santorum lookalike and that horribly awkward hug the couple gives each other at the end.  And the song in the other one is way better.