Transition, Dependence, Humility, Empowerment

To be quite honest, I don't even know when the last time was that I posted - and at this particular moment I'm too lazy to go look and see what it was.

*the next moment*

OK, we all know I was too anal to not go and look.

So the last time I posted I was just beginning to pack up my apartment. It's almost a week later, and since then I've gotten my apartment all packed up, everything put into storage, the apartment cleaned out, and yesterday I turned in my keys and officially became a roving vagabond. Alright, perhaps that's a bit hyperbolic, but hopefully this will be the closest I'll ever come to being a drifter, so I'm trying to live it up while I can.

There are so many things rolling around in my head that I've thought about posting about...some funny observation, some just plain factual to keep everyone up to speed on where I am (including myself), some deeper observation, and on and on. On any one of these things I could type far longer than any of you could read...heck, I'm accomplishing that with just the meta-commentary.

Today's post is coming from the second of many nights on several different futons, provided by the greatest generosity of my friends MT and sM. This very unique period of transition has put me in a position to be far more dependent on the graciousness of others than perhaps I ever have been before. At least, that I'm cognizant of. People helping me move. People giving me a place to lay my head. People offering advice on a new endeavor, and moving somewhere I know nothing about. People being my constant cheerleaders. People providing 2nd- and 3rd-degree of separation contacts in a far away place. ("You probably won't need this, but just in case you're in a tough spot and need a contact, here's so and so.") People offering amazingly generous gifts that in good conscience I can't accept.

People letting me know I'll be missed.

For a little bit (especially on moving day) I was busy focusing on the people who were failing to come through when I needed them. Look at all these people who are bailing...what does this really say? A few days removed (and blood less boiled), I've had time to reflect on the other side of that coin, and think about these wonderful people who HAVE come through...and what THAT means. I'm realizing, this position of extreme dependence is a humbling and empowering position all at once.

I'll stay away from the cliche that it's humbling to not be able to provide things like your own roof over your head (although it is). Rather, it's humbling to realize there are this many people with this much love for you. Humbling? You ask. Yep.

The rise of a special occasion like this highlights the daily consideration, thought and love that you get from all these people who are now going above and beyond. It makes you take pause, and notice all these people who contribute to the richness of your everyday life, and even when they are not filling such notable favors, all these people without whom your everyday life would not be what it is. Humbling to see the love all around you which helps to hold you up from day to day.

And therein also lies the empowerment. Realizing that you are the person who drew all these wonderful people into your life, that you have the ability to attract them and keep them as friends (because even the ones related to you can choose whether to be your friends). That you made enough of an impression on these people--whether over time or all at once--that they are happy to be part of your life, even through your less gracious moments.

So thank you, friends (related and otherwise). Truly, thank you.